life

Need to post but not sure if I am ready. Does this make since. I think not. However, this is what I feel like the last couple of days. My mind is here there and yonder. I can start talking to somebody and then right in mid-sentence I drift away to parts unknown, lose my track and talk about something else. ( If I have done this too you lately I am sorry I don't realize it til later) I am crying one min, bitchy the next and extremely exhausted after that. I am to a point that I need to do something for me. Yes, being a mom and a wife and is all great an dandy but I just humm need something for Me. Not sure yet what that needs to be. I want to take pictures and go hiking and just chill for awhile. HOwever, I don't just chill. I very seldom just sit in a chair and watch TV, I always have to be doing something. I have looked into working at a different job but would need a better camera. I have thought about going back to school and while some people are cheering in the back of my head I think I am just not ready today. I have thought about making bows again just to kill time, but by the time I get home and ready for the next day I am exhausted and don't want to pull it all out. It's a bit of a funk, this may have something to do with the fact that I have not taken my anti-depression pills in a little over a week. I started becoming really dizzy with them and cut them back but was still dizzy so I stopped them all together. Then I got this sinus infection and so now i am dizzy from that and the question inlays was it the meds or my infection. lol I felt like this before and that is what started the whole process of getting on something to stabilize my moods. I hate yelling at the girls for (in what the big picture is of nothing) but at the time is a huge thing to me. When they look up at me with tears in their eyes and they really don't deserve it, it makes me feel like crap even more. I try to watch it but it just happens....I am ready for summer!

I am not saying all this for a pat on the back or to say your a great mom everybody feels like this at one time or another.. I just thought that maybe if I get it all written out and could see it, it would be better. But who knows.
Time for bed for tomorrow is a new day.